Creatrixsblood's Weblog

Autobiography excerpt

The following is an excerpt from an auto-biography I’ve been working on.  I find writing it to be painful, but therapeutic:

I keep a mental snap shot of all the people who are important to me. The one of my mother is just outside of the craft shed where she worked, cutting wood into the shapes of flowers or buildings or angels.  She is a large woman with wild, curly brown hair hanging just past her shoulders. She is wearing a red t-shirt and black stretch pants with stirrups and dirty white sneakers. Her glasses cover and magnify the apples of her cheeks, her lips are spread in a smile, and her open arms welcome me for a hug.

      I am 9, and most of my mother is dying. We are at Methodist Hospital in Omaha, I came with my Grandma.

      Dad and mom’s twin sisters are here too. They all think I won’t understand, so they do not explain. Mostly, they look at me in pitied glances. When I ask what’s happening, they tell me that she’s in intensive care, and I can’t see her because I’m not 13. They also say, “You’re so brave.” 

      I sit alone in the waiting room, there is a lot of light, but all the colors are dark. The chair I sit in is stiff and dark blue, just like the sofa across from me. I’m trying to read.

      A moment just a couple weeks previous refuses to leave my mind: My dad and I were walking toward her hospital room, and a nurse was helping her shuffle through the hall. When my dad said, “Look who’s up!” She turned to look at us. Her features were frozen and doll-like. She wasn’t my mom.

      Presently, I push the thought aside and bury myself in my book.

      The book is not a comforting one, it is a young adult horror novel about a boy’s father transforming into a plant-monster. It is told in the first person, so I feel like I am the “I” that is trapped on the pages.

      Right now, there is nothing else.


Reading and writing before adult education
March 1, 2014, 9:59 pm
Filed under: autobiography, books, creative non-fiction, essays, writing | Tags: , , , ,

Blank pages used to be somewhere I would go to feel free, and leave feeling I had created something worthwhile.  While the latter still holds true, I do not find the same solace on the page.

Since my third year in college, 2006, it has taken me a concerted effort to not pain-stalkingly analyze any and every piece of fiction I am reading or in the process of writing.  As a result, I get a lot more out of what I read, and what I do write is pretty solid;  but I miss the days of devouring books in hours, simply enjoying the ride, as well as being able to sit down and free-write a piece of fiction without caring if it sounded like complete nonsense.

At a very young age, I decided that I wanted to write for a living. While I am doing that in some sense, it is definitely not what I had in mind.   I thought I’d have books in stores by now.  While I do have plans for a novel series, they are no where near ready for prying eyes. I used to think I wanted to be like R.L. Stine or Stephen King…Mainly the having the quality of churning out prolific amounts of good quality writing.  Then I got to college.

I realized Stephen King didn’t think he was a particularly good writer…and honestly, compared to the depth existing in the works of numerous authors across all genres, he really isn’t.  Before studying fiction writing in a formal setting, all I really wanted to do was entertain myself and others while making money in the process.  Afterwards, I decided that rather than light amusement,what I really wanted to write was entertaining fiction loaded with meaningful messages, prompting the reader to reflect.

Suddenly, writing became much harder.  And not as much fun. I didn’t want my writing to stay like it was.  I wanted it to be more…better…

It is never good enough; the want for perfection is crippling, both for my writing and my soul.



Keep on keepin’ on
April 28, 2012, 2:43 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , ,

It’s long past time for an update!

I was able to deal with many of the problems that I described in my last post. What happened with my glasses is perhaps the most amusing. When visiting my family for the holidays, my dad’s dog chewed my new set of glasses (even the lenses) to bits, leaving me wearing prescription shades for a while. Since then, I have gotten two more pairs, one of the frames is black and square the other purple and more oval. I like the black ones better.

I have purchased dental insurance, my coverage begins May 1. I have also bought a water flosser and some periogen to help get my mouth as clean as possible before I go in and see how much I need to fork over to fix up my teeth.

I have two new drawings in the “INK” gallery. They are at the bottom of the page. They are depictions of characters from the story, “Slipping,” and will come into play in the story line. It will also tie into my series which I have re-titled “After All Fell Apart.” There are also two additions to the “digital collage” gallery, both are comic book fan art. One is Death and Dream from Neil Gaiman’s Sandman, the other is Batman. No new paintings though.

I have helped myself feel better about my comedy articles largely by changing their content. Each month I’ve found and promoted the work of an artist who I feel both deserves to have more exposure, and is within the genere of comdey. Check out my article about Bob RZ.  If you are a theatre fan, You might enjoy the tragical horror comedy “Lo” read my review for details.   However, since plugging my fellows and not writing fluff,  my income has slightly decreased. I guess I need to strike a balance. Fluff is easier to write, and often more profitable.

Speaking of discomfort, let’s talk physical discomfort. About my weight. I need to go on more walks, and not make excuses. I also really need to buy a bed, but I won’t be able to order it until next month. The mattress my aunt Amy was nice enough to let me borrow has a spring in it that causes pain on the left side of my back. I really like to sleep on that side, and even if I fall asleep on my back, I may end up on that side, adding to the pain.

But, I must admit that things are better than they were for my last update. I have a great deal more self worth. I’m still frazzled and in debt, but I’m perking up. 🙂